John Park

although the album was released quite a while ago, I’m listening like everyday..

The fray-all at once

best time to listen : when I have a headache

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you.

Rachel the baby mok has asked me to update my blog. true, I haven’t looked after my blog for a long time. Sorry, wordpress.

I got some drafts, but after I read them again, they are not appropriate to post as I wrote them when i was really tired.

my friends know that when I’m tired, I talk a lot of nonsense and crap, like why guitar has 6 strings??? should i buy more undies or not?..why am I good looking whereas marcus is not? just kidding..see..I better stop….btw Marcus, thank you for your encouragement for the worship team today. appreciate it. You’re still the top bachelor in the afternoon service!

This is what I have been doing.

1. Play and Play.. wow played a lot! played guitar until i had no strength to play anymore!  If God took away this great joy of playing this small instrument, I think I would cry for 2 weeks or even more! If God ever asked me to choose a new fender guitar or a date with a girl I like, I would say oh Lord, don’t forsake me.

Through all those times as a part of the team in our church, I have grown a strong desire to write new songs and share them with other people, songs about people around me, love in me and God we believe in. Well, I want to believe that this humble and small dream will come to pass one day. If not, I will still play!

one more thing about playing guitar, Baby Mok has improved a lot! wow she can play ‘more than words’ nicely, and she learnt it much faster than other guys! But she asked me not to tell her boyfriend-to-be that she can play. Because she wants him to play for her!. well at least Wang Leehom knows how to play it, Dont worry too much, rachel.

2. Live and work.. sometimes I feel that we live in the battle field, where everyone is fighting for what they want, and truly it is sometimes. Many challenges and struggles at work make me tired, yet I believe that God is moulding me to rely on Him when the situation gets tougher. More importanly I should know that I’m at where I am for a reason. so keep it up JP!

3. Talk and talk.. talking a lot with friends , with Jennifer from Melbourne , came to attend Hannah’s wedding. We used to be in daniel 1. the old and original one! we went through many things together, with Mr. Loo as well, like Timithy class, JG, leading a discussion group, shepharding, etc. she is getting married in Singapore in Dec too! Good bye my past regret! haha.. we had so much fun together.

And talk a lot with Donway about how to be a millionaire, how to be a good husband, how to play guitar, how to look charming with a v-neck pink shirt with a couple of buttons off.  Also many sharings with my dear friends in person or over msn.. appreciate that you all open your life to me and allow me to be a part of it. your stories always encourage me.

oh..talk a lot with clients,too . I’m not sure whether they understand my korean + singaporean accent…Aiyo. ah  c Jin JJa…

4. Love and Love..   sometime I think that like Jennifer who is in Melbourne now, someday we have to say good bye to our loved ones..and we don’t know when it will be. We always miss those old and good times. but today will be one of those “old and good times”, and this day will never come again.

My dad took another operation today. He said he would come to Australia next year to see me, I said ok lah..but take care of your health first after the operation.  My sister said I never call her or only call her when I need help! In fact, I’ve tried to call her few times, she never pick it up and she never call me either!. She is busy to finalize the film that she’s directing. I asked her to arrange a photo session with the main actress! she said I need to grow up if I ever want to get married. sigh..   Also mom doesn’t pick up the phone often. Apprently, she goes to a new health club near our place, where all aunty go together to learn yoga, aerobics, so that she doesn’t get sick like dad.

Some of our friends might have to go back after their study, maybe around the end of this year. Some of them are planning to come back to stay here as well. Sad but good bye until we see each other again. 

I hope I have enough time to love my dad, sister, mom and friends, before it is too late, because I don’t know when I will have to say good bye, and then today will be one of those beautiful days oneday.

Well , Life is interesting. I said to my friend that Life is not easy, u know what he said? Life is not that hard either!

Seize the day!

 why do you look so pretty miss. fender

1. Well, I have been extremely busy , so busy that i have no time to write a post, no time to put any photos up here, no time to cook a proper meal, no time to call you to say hi…sigh.

Yes, like you, been busy with facebook!   . I really didn’t understand why ppl got hooked on it. When Boy was throwing a sheep ? or chicken? i was like…what is this??? whats so funny about this?? But not long after that, I saw myself laughing when i dropkicked Eddy! But Don’t kiss me Chris, facebook is open for public.

Definetely great tool to see how our friends are, and keep in tough with those who are far away. But it could make us so busy actually when we are not really busy! I’m almost famous now, and I can be a rockstar if you guys help me a bit more!(if you know what i mean, grin)

 2. First Testimony ever in church. By nature, I’m a shy guy, who is afraid of doing things in public. Even playing guitar actually still makes me a bit nervous, and esp publc speaking, huh i wanted to cry when i was told to do the sunday testimony.  I started to type in my testimony on sat nite, like really late nite after watching High school musical and korean movie with a bunch of friends. But It was hard to think what to write after eating a funny rocky muffin by me and rach( we could throw it to hurt someone!) and also after seeing marcus dancing like High school musical.

on Sunday, too nervous to even look at my script. my voice was shaking, if my mom was there, I would have cried! But thank God for this opportunity for me to learn new things. I know that God wants to see me leading a group oneday. So no more shy guy! Also thank you for your encouragement, really appreciate it.

3. I remember the very first church anniversary i attended. we hired a hall in a high school somewhere, and there were about 300 people. Last saturday, we saw 750 people coming to our church’s 14th anniversary! Thank God for his faithfulness to our church, and i was so proud of being a part of this family. We realized that we couldn’t play “Happy B’day”song properly….ah long way to go, sigh. how come i taught that song to guitar CDS class  when i didnt know how to play it! my apology. My colleagues came along as well, and one of them even came to our monday lunch group. For sure God is gonna do something in their lives, just that they do not know yet. Also happy b’day to baby Zhu!

4. A few weeks ago, When i heard that dad was admitted to hospital for an operation due to cancer, i was literally angry at God. why at this point of time, when i’m trying hard to settle down here, when my mom is not well either, when many things are happening in my life. Well, i was worried about him, but i guess i was more worried about myself first, and seeing myself becoming selfish in this kinda situation made me disappointed at myself too.

True that i didn’t really like my dad because he left us when we needed , and he didn’t care about me when i needed. But looking back, it could be me who left him, and could be me too who didn’t want him to care about me. I guess Father and son relationship is quite complicated too, like BGR, hard to describe. But one thing that is clear is that no matter what , he is still my father who raised me up. and my life was acutally blessed a lot by him, too. I could come back here because my dad was there for my mom. otherwise i think i would have stayed back to look after mom. His sacrifice actually makes me live my life to the fullest. Hope he will get better soon, and come to see me as he always wanted to come to australia. I used to ask God for a better father, but this is all i ask God for my dad now. Thank God for friends ard me whom i could really speak to, and share this with. surely your prayers made him better now.

many things are happening, hope I will have some time to look at mylife and write something here consistently( I’ve been consistently inconsistent tho!) so that i can see how God guides and bless me in next month, next year, even many years later too.

My leaders told me to join Timothy Class to be a part of Joshua Generation last week and today i went to the class. Ever since I came back, most of things I’ve been doing are things I did before, like becoming a member of our church, joining the worship team, etc. As you may guess, It brings me many memories back, and also it gets me to look at myself in the past, look at what mistakes I made, and how i can improve this time.

when I was a leader last time, I struggled a lot , leading a small discussion, shepherding, and other things related to leadership. I even came up with a very ungodly idea so called “Self-shepherding” and freed my sheep.. what a shaky shepherd!. But after I got to know the fact that being a leader is not an option that u can choose, everyone in the house of God is called to be a leader,  I learnt that the question i should ask is how i can be a good one, not can I be a leader or not.

After the class today, I prayed to God that this will be a step stone that leads me to come closer to God, to serve Him and His people wholeheartly. And I was more convicted to move forward for Him, no matter what happens. Thank God for His extraordinary plan for an ordinary guy like me. so no more self-shepherding for my sheep to be  

Tonight, many of us went to see the most beloved female singer after Christine Bee in our church, Brooke Fraser. wow she was great. Funny, great singing, great performance. Apprently quite a few ladies were inspired to learn guitar including Rachel. So she asked me to give her lessons, and she agreed with me charging her brother for that!  and guess what.Brooke said Hi to me! People didn’t believe me but God knows.

On the way back home, realized that I didn’t call my sister to say happy b’day. so quickly called her just to say some words. she said she was having dinner and thank you to me. the end. she is cool. 

 A busy week ahead. Yes back to the real life. Hope you all will have a great week, life to the fullest.

It is amazing to see how God brings different ones here , and we call ourselves a family. It is amazing to see how God has brought everyone this far. We might not know each other now, but we are in the same place, same time, and sharing the same memories.  and we never know how and when we will get to know one another.

I never knew that Boy would be my shepherd. I still remember the first time when i saw Boy. he was giving a testimony on sunday, wearing brown shoes. I thought who that funny guy was.

Looking back at last 6 months in brisbane, ( already half year!) , i’m blessed and also amazed by seeing how i got to know new friends here. Also looking back at past 5 years, i’m so grateful to see where we were back then and where we are now.

So many things that i never thought of become true.

 who knows I will be a rock star one day again! lol just kidding!

 Boy was meditating the word of God. ( were you? )

is that Boy is shepherding me.

for those who have been wondering and asking us “BTW, who is shepherding who??”

Sorry Boy! I’m such a bad sheep!!! 

Mom called me a few days ago, couldn’t talk that much, so i called her back tonite. She was surprised,asking me if anything happened to me. In fact we merely call each other once a month.

Usual conversation going on.talking about how I have been, asking her how she is, a bit of scloding as usual. Even though I told her that I had been good, always worried about me, asking me if i eat properly, do tithe, go to church on time, fall asleep during service, and so on.. i guess to her, I’ll be always a little son who she needs to look after.

when i was much younger, she came to my bed early in the morning everyday, laid her hands on me, and prayed. Sometimes she woke me up, but i pretended to be asleep, wondering what she was praying for. I still don’t really know what her prayers for,but I believe that God has blessed me so much because of her prayers and there are more prayers to be answered.

words can’t describe how i feed inside when i think of what she has done for me-all those tears, prayers, and sacrifice -, the mixture of feelings.

But I don’t know why i feel a bit sad and sorry, everytime after I speak to her. maybe it is because her love for me is much greater than my love for her.  I’m still way far from a good son, when i think of her great sacrifice. I pray that God will give her many many more days here so that I’ll have enough time to love her back.

Last week, a friend of mine asked me “ so, do you regret?”

And I said “ Yes, I do. I regret that I made that decision” 

on my way home, the question just got stuck in my mind.. do you regret?

If I had known the consequences, I wouldn’t have made many decisions I regret.

I said to my friend “I regret, but it already happened , nothing can be done now, anyway.”  

But I didn’t say that sometimes consequences of regretful decisions seem so overwhelming for me to carry them all myself. 

And I said to my friend “I try not to make the same mistake again”   

On my way home, I asked myself again.How about now? Am I living a life that I will have no regrets?  am I doing anything that I might regret later?”

p.s.

busyness, uncertainty, anxiety, lots of excuses, to-do lists everyday and so many ‘what if’ questions,

all that sort of things that could make me weary and sometimes make me lost.

Then I start looking around where I’m going, where I stand. By now, after having been through all that regretful decisions i made, I should know where I should go, where I should stand. 

All my friends seem so busy too. Pray for you that you are living a day that you won’t regret.  One of my regrets is that I hardly express how much I appreciate you all, so let me say that I love you all. Have a great week.

I’m not the only one. Relief.

I have been busy, not lazy.

You can see how busy i was over the last weekend.

1. broke G and D string during Life group P&W. Found it hard to play guitar when sukian was laughing and dancing.

2. Went to Evax on saturday morning, then i was going to have ’do nothing day’.

3. Buttt.went for jogging in the afternoon.

4. Gerald invited and cooked for some new ppl in his life group. nobody took me out for dinner! so i joined them. had a good time getting to know new singaporians. Ok LAH!

5. I was on the worship team last sunday. after church , tried to find out what korean dramas Mok had. Also watched Asian cup quarter final korea vs Iran. Of course we won.. we are too cool… and hot.

6. Gerald and I had a half an hour sauna , intrupping a korean couple.

very busy man.. need to eat more kim chi to keep it up and stay cool.

more posts to come!  btw, How’s everyone?